I was thinking today about the improvements I have made from the beginning of this course until now. I think that I have opened up a bit more in my work and gained a little bit more confidence in my writing skills now that I have spent the last few months constantly writing something. I’m hoping that I can take the skills that I have learned and apply them in my life moving forward. I only say this because I was thinking about my old job in Germany and I feel like I didn’t take much from what I learned away with me.
I was a video trainer. I created online videos for Microsoft Office 2013 and Windows 8 so that schools and companies could use our product in the same screen of the Microsoft application that is being used. This job was hard for me. I am a very quiet person, I like to keep to myself and don’t really want to be noticed. Being the center of attention and teaching something made me extremely nervous. During this time, I learned how to work in front of a camera, read off a teleprompter and do voice over work. It took me a long time to find a way to be comfortable in this situation and by the end I still wasn’t confident in what I was doing. I think the fear of maybe not teaching something in a way that made sense to everyone made me nervous and would give us negative reviews. Today was the first day that I have ever bothered to look up the reviews for the courses that I have done. To my surprise there wasn’t a negative one out there. I was sure that my courses were not good and a big disappointment to myself. But seeing what people said about how they learned things and liked my style, I am starting to think now that maybe this whole time I was extremely hard on myself. I think I need to take a step back in the things I do and go with my first instinct because that is when I do best. Instead of doubting myself I should realize I have the potential. I’m hoping now I can start to move forward, because this sense of failure I had held me back in some things that I do. Now that I am done with my tangent, I guess what I am trying to say is that this course has helped me gain a bit more confidence in my writing which is big because I was not looking forward to this at the beginning. I am happy that this course ended up in my curriculum.
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A Dog’s Purpose is by far my most favorite book and I am thrilled they are making it into a film. This story was more than just a read for me. Along with the emotions, it really got me thinking about the meaning of life essentially. A story about a boy and a dog who had an unbreakable bond, is one that made a impact on my life. Unfortunately, the dog’s life ended before his friend. But even though the dog died, it doesn’t mean that everything comes to an end. In this story, the dog’s ‘soul’ was reincarnated into different forms (in this case other dogs). Eventually after many lives, the ‘boy’ who is now a grown man and his forever friend will be brought back together to enjoy another phase of life together. This story was one of the best that I have ever read. The way reincarnation is woven into the story is very well done and makes for a beautiful read. A lot of the things that were mentioned in this book are things that I personally believe in. For example, a purpose of having an animal in your life is to teach you a lesson. Once that lesson is learned they will move on. This is something I told myself for years and probably why I take the bonds with animals in my life so seriously. Growing up I was raised Catholic and this belief is something that isn’t really tolerated as a possibly. After my cat passed away a few years ago, I tried talking to my mom about this concept and instantly it was shot down. I disregarded what she said and kept this story in mind. Knowing she was there to teach me something I needed to learn and when I did she moved on helps me cope better than thinking that life will be her only one. I know one day I will see her again, in a different form, when she is ready. My friend recently lost her cat while she was on vacation and this topic was brought up. She is pregnant and we started talking about how it could be more than possible that he will be reincarnated as her child and again will be in her life. That is what make life such a mystery, the unknown of what will really happen but having this thought again can ease someone’s mind. I think life is beautiful and without this idea being possible we fail to realize that life works in mysterious ways. You just need to open your mind to the limited possibilities. It is finally here, my favorite time of year! I love the whole feeling of Christmas, the decorations, family time and the festivities. This is the kind of Christmas that I have only ever been used to and when I moved away it was hard. For three years, I didn’t do anything, my ex wasn’t big on the holidays so I would just let it go. Where I was, in France was a little underwhelming with Christmas decorations, there were a few houses with lights but most of the people didn’t do much.
Then we moved to Hamburg and the Christmas season quickly turned into my favorite again. Every town had a Christmas Market set up with stalls of little things you can buy, like sculpted candles, puppets, toys and of course the traditional Christmas foods like; Glühwein which is essentially red wine heated with spices, lemon and sugar, Lebkuchen are biscuits which are similar to gingerbread and they are very good and during these markets I can always find a Dutch stall that sells Poffertjes which are mini pancakes covered in butter and powdered sugar and I always looked forward to those. During this time of year, I would always make sure that I would take the routes to work that would allow me to walk through as many as I could. I would start in Bergedorf then go to the Hauptbahnhof and then end in Wandsbek. Over there you can feel the Christmas Spirit and it was all around you. Walking through the markets when I was missing home was always nice. Everyone was happy no matter how cold it was, just spending time with family and friends was what mattered and I enjoyed seeing that. ![]() Over the Holiday I started watching the new series Planet Earth II. I have always been a fan of the series since the beginning and am thrilled it is out again. For me it is a way to escape. You get to see and think about things that you never knew existed. Then the thought that there is just so much to see and experience out there crosses my mind. Watching these kinds of things reminds me that nature works its self out, animals have learned how to adapt in their habitats which in turn leads to a point that I don’t like to think about. As humans, we really took advantage of the world and our minds. What I mean is expanding what the norm for living is, with homes, cars, technology, etc. There is really no need for all these things when we lived without them before. There are still tribes out there that live the way their ancestors did and I applaud them. I personally feel that they are living the way nature intended. While I am watching this series, or the others by the same creators, it always reminds me that I personally feel I take things for granted and this is a good way to remember that life is important and we need to be more aware of the things that are harmful to the environment around us. ![]() Since Thanksgiving is only a few days away, I figured it would be fitting to write about it. Thanksgiving is the day where you are supposed to spend time with loved ones, eating and drinking and being thankful for the things in your life. I must say, it is a holiday that I personally always took for granted. Growing up it was just an excuse to have off from school, sleep in and over indulge on the best food of the entire year. It never really hit me that I liked this holiday until I left home. Not only was I in a place where people bash this holiday but I also had a mother in law who was British and she too would always talk poorly about this holiday every year saying she didn’t understand it. To an extent, sure I get it. It is a day where you are supposed to be thankful for what you have, but instead it turned into a money-making holiday. Everyone needs the best and biggest turkey or the best pies instead of just keeping things simple. I get this side of the argument but at the same time I am guilty because I part take in this holiday too and I do enjoy it. There were a few years where I didn’t do anything for Thanksgiving. One year while I was living in Hamburg and my in-laws moved there as well, we went to an American Club Thanksgiving Dinner. When I heard I was going I was very excited, I couldn’t wait to get a taste of home. But as I was there, it kind of made things harder. It was great meeting new people and hearing their stories of how they got there but at the same time I missed my family. And the food there just didn’t compare to what I was used to, my dad is a wonderful cook. By the time I left I was definitely more homesick. If someone now were to ask me what is the point of this holiday, I would still give them the same answer. But I think it’s important to keep an open mind because everyone has their own way of interpreting what this holiday is about. Some may loose the whole idea all together but I think a lot of us still try to keep the basic outlook. Over the past year, on the news and social media, the Police have been getting a lot of negative press because of how they have handled certain situations. And also, because of this, racism has been tied in as well. The men and women that join this field have dedicated their lives to protect us but even I find myself upset with how some events are handled. Maybe the fact that I am older and not oblivious to things anymore plays into that. Or maybe living in different countries and seeing how their system functions plays into my thoughts now? Regardless, I do think that this is an issue in our country and some things need to change. But hey, we now have a President who loves violence, so this most likely will never change. One of the biggest issues that I have with our system is how forceful they are in some cases. There have been countless times where an innocent person was shot dead and that is the main issue I do have. When did it become okay to shoot someone? What about using a Taser or another method that could stun the person instead of ending their life. I also don’t only want to focus on people being killed by our police, but also dogs have been as well. In the video I posted, there are some stats about our system that I think are a bit mind blowing. “Fatal Shots by US Police Since 2013: More than 575 people wielding blades, other weapons but not a gun.” “Fatal Shots by British Police Since 2013: 1 person wielding a knife.” I just think that says a lot. While I was living in Europe, I did notice some things that were different over there that I personally liked. For one, instead of the police pulling you over for speeding, they set up cameras throughout the country and if you are speeding it takes a picture of the car and license plate and you get the ticket in the mail. This saves the police their resources by keeping their cops around for more important issues by having technology take care of this task for them. I don’t understand why we haven’t implemented this more, I was a fan. I did feel like the police were spending time looking out for citizens and I appreciated that. I also think another thing that plays into this issue is that fact that the individuals who are going through training in Europe spend a lot more time in school and out in the field with close supervision and this can take up to two years. Over here it only lasts on average for 19 weeks. At the end of the day, who would you want looking after your community? Someone who was only in training for a few weeks or someone who spent a few years, showing dedication and got a lot more training at the end of it? I know which one I would choose. Maybe, hopefully, one day we can implement some of their ways into our system. If we can learn that violence isn’t the only way to handle a situation, I think it would not only benefit them in the way citizens think of them but maybe people will then ‘follow’ them and hopefully some things can calm down. While I was living abroad I made a friend in France named Akima and she had a very interesting life that I wanted to get to know more about. She is from Morocco and decided to leave her home when she turned 18. Growing up, she lived a life that I never really put much thought into, like how your life is effected by your culture and the place you were born, until I got to know more about her situation, especially being a women in that society.
Growing up she always had to cater to the men her in household and the men that came in as guests. She told me that she always felt like she wasn’t treated fairly for being a women. The women do everything in the household for the men, like cook, clean and make sure the guests that were men were well taken care of. If the men had women come to their home the women also had to help out with making sure the men got what they wanted. She told me that the men would like to smoke when they all got together but it was forbidden for women to do the same thing. So, they weren’t even allowed in the room when the men were smoking and this bothered her. After years of being treated this way, she felt like more of a slave than a child so she decided to leave and moved to the south of France so she could be free of that life. But that came at a cost. When she moved it was a struggle for her, a new country and the culture was very different. Also, after she left she lost contact with her family. They banished her because of the decision she had made. Even though she doesn’t talk to her family she says, she still thinks to this day that she made the best decision. While she was in the south of France, she met her current boyfriend and has been with him for eight years now. They eventually moved to Jussey, which is in the North West, where his family resides and it is the town where I met them. After a few years together they had their first child, a girl who they both adore deeply. And a few years after that she had her second and this time it was a boy. Now that children are involved with her life, she says that it makes it that much harder for her to not be in contact with her family. She would love for them to meet them but they don’t show any interest. She told me that even though her family still want nothing to do with her life now, she still is happy with how things turned out because now her children don’t have to go through what she did growing up. She wants them to be able to live their lives the way they would like and to enjoy being young. I completely respect her for how strong she has been, because I know first-hand that it isn’t easy to live in a new country and making new friends is always hard. Even though she finds some positives in leaving she still thinks about her family often and it is hard for her as I can imagine. She misses her siblings, mom and dad and home cooked meals. She also just misses the feeling of being “home”, which I understand whole heartedly. It’s hard when you are happy where you are residing but there isn’t a thing that can replace that feeling of “home”. “It’s where all of your childhood memories are and it’s where you grew up to become the person that you are now”, she said. Knowing what she has gone through in her life, I applaud her. Like I said before I never really put much thought into what it would be like being raised in Morocco. To me, I find it upsetting that the women are treated the way that they are. I find that the woman do so much for the men but yet they are treated so poorly. Why is it okay to just essentially walk all over women when they take care of their men and bring their children into this world? That, I can truly never understand. After talking to her about these things my mindset of what life is like over there is different. Before I just thought it would be nice over there, just because of the weather and the history that surrounds the time but, I left this conversation feeling sad for the women there but at the same time curious of what it would like to be living that kind of life style. Even after living in different countries, it opened up my eyes to the idea that there is different lifestyles and cultures no matter where you are in the world. Luckily, Europe is similar enough to America in the way that you can go out and make a life for yourself no matter what your race, gender or nationality is. But at the same time, I would like to go and see that part of the world. America keeps you distracted where you don’t even have the time to think about these things and why would you when you are so busy? But how is that going to improve who you are as a person? I think one of the most important things in life is to take a moment and think about what else is going on in the world. There are children starving, women being taken advantage of because that is the norm in their culture, wildlife starting to cease to exist and so many other things that make up this world. It is a shame to me that people just don’t seem to put the thought or care into how the rest of the world is instead of just educating themselves. One of the biggest things to happen within this year is that gay marriage is now legal. This issue has been a hot topic with friends and some family members since this has positively affected their lives. But now, after the election the mood has shifted. What was once happy is now sad because people feel that the progress that was made is going to regress and things will go back to what they used to be. I decided to write about this topic because I was talking to my brother the other day about this and some people in his circle have cut themselves off, due to being upset after the results of the election were read. And ever since that conversation this topic has been on my mind.
It’s funny to me how America is the land of the free, unless you are gay, or I should say up until recently. Gays were always judged for who they are and there were restrictions on what they could do with their lives. I just can’t fathom how we, ‘the people’, had the right to dictate what others did with their lives? I would just be heartbroken if someone told me I couldn’t marry who I loved. I just had this conversation the other day with my boyfriend. In my mind, what is so wrong with marrying someone of the same sex? If they make you happy at the end of the day who am I to judge? If I am allowed to get married to any guy I wanted, whether they are good or bad, how is it fair that I get this choice when others don’t? I don’t get the mindset of others if they think differently from me. I think that for most people, it is a quest in life to find your soul mate and sure some never find theirs. But once you do, whether they are a different race, nationality or the same sex, you should never let it go. Sure, some people think that marriage is just a piece of paper and they don’t see the reason for going through with it but everyone has their own opinions. To some, it means a lot to them, the thought of commitment is enough in itself. This just gets me thinking about how any of these laws that we have today came into play. How did a couple of men or women get to have so much power that it took over the country and had others people follow their beliefs. I love how when you are growing up, people are always teaching you to think for yourself but then you have things like this: not allowing gay marriage for example. Why can’t we just think for ourselves and live our lives the way we want to? At the end of the day, if you aren’t hurting anyone and if you are happy that should be the end of the story. I’m more than happy that same sex marriage is now, I can’t believe I am even going to use this word, but I can’t believe how it is now ‘accepted’ and ‘allowed’. But now that it is, I may be starting to think that people are starting to evolve and heading in the right direction. At least that is what most people thought up until recently. I guess now the only thing to do is to wait and see what happens… Over the past two weeks, I have been working on the second draft for the Hiraeth Assignment. After the conversation we had the other week, I have been thinking a lot about how exactly I can get what I am trying to say using one experience. That is my biggest problem and I think that is why on the first time around I focused more on the place than the experiences I had there. But, because of this problem I feel a bit stuck and that is why I haven’t posted anything yet. There was one thing that happened while I was there that made a big impact on me but I don’t know how to consolidate it enough, since this thing that meant so much to me was part of my life for a few years. I think another issue that I am having is what is going on in my life right now. This thing that I want to write about was one of the things that lead me into what I want to do with my life but at the same time I have been conflicted with what exactly I want do. This just leaves me second guessing myself.
I have been trying different things to help me get my ideas flowing, writing multiple openings, looking at the pictures and thinking of the day it all started, and I have also started trying to use a method I learned in middle school, Bing, Bang, Bongo to help me get my main points clearly on paper. But there is just a lot to say and I am working on narrowing things down a little more so my paper is more clear. For the future, the next thing that I am thinking of trying is maybe say my thoughts out loud while recording them. I think maybe that will help me get a more natural flow going? Not sure, but I am curious to see if it helps. As of right now I do not have any questions for you since I am still figuring out the route I am going to take on this assignment. But if it is okay with you, could I post questions here when I am ready? I would definitely appreciate feedback from you. I am quite shocked that we are already at this point of the semester already. During these past few weeks, I personally have felt some changes in the way I have thought about this course when I first went into it. On the first day, I’ll admit it, I wasn’t really looking forward to class. Then we are told that all of our work is going to be posted online. Normally I am a very closed person and I don’t like my thoughts or ideas to be out there so that was something that I needed time to adjust to. I am a little more open to it now, but with limits. I am okay with classmates or other students reading my work but when it comes to family and friends I am still not comfortable with them reading it.
Now that time has passed and I have spent hours brainstorming, writing and editing the work that has been assigned, I am starting to see a little change in myself in the way I process, write and handle the work load. Before, I would say due to lack of confidence, finding a topic to write about was hard and once decided, starting the process was even harder. But right now I can say that I am able to gather my thoughts and organize them in a way that makes the writing process easier. I was thinking about it the other day, I have started to go out on more walks because of the dogs I am watching and I think having the time outside helps my thought process. I say this because I have found that once I get back, I am able to spend a lot more time writing than just staring at the paper or watching my cursor blink. I still won’t say that this is my calling in life, or that I really do enjoy it but these assignments have turned into less of a chore into more of a way to get my going. |