While composing my Hiraeth I did not have any help. I found that asking for help, even if I needed it, would not get me very far. I feel this way because I am the one with the experiences and memories and no one can help me describe my feelings about the place I choose to write about. Maybe I could have asked someone if they had any pointers, but at this stage I just really wanted to get my main points down.
This assignment had some difficulties for me. I would say that the first piece of this writing was the hardest for me, which was deciding what to write about. This was a struggle for me because I have a few places that have affected me in some way which in turn they now have a special place in my heart. Luckily, as soon as this assignment was mentioned I started thinking what to write about right away. To make choosing my topic easier, after coming up with my top three or four, I wrote out a list of each place with pros and cons so I can see which one had the most influence on my life. I started working on this project (first draft) last Sunday and worked on it every day until the due date. This approach worked well for me because I was able to edit my work enough to the point where I felt like my message was clear. Where I wrote my first draft was probably a slight problem. I was in my basement which can be a distraction having a couch and TV down here. For my next assignment I will have to choose another location that is much quieter, maybe the office. At the end of the day, I chose this topic because France taught me a lot about myself and how I want to live my life. Being there allowed me to see things in a different perspective because I was away from the materialistic life and was forced to open my eyes and actually take a look at my surroundings. Just for that experience in itself, I will always be forever grateful. So now that my first draft is written, I can take a look at my process and see if I need to change things that I do. Walking around helped, I will definitely keep doing that. I need to find a new location to write in, the basement is not working out so well. I really liked how I took my time to write, instead of getting it done in one sitting. Doing that allowed me to catch more mistakes and come up with other ways to clearly explain things. I mentioned in a previous blog that I can take a deep breath if I am feeling overwhelmed and start over and I am going to keep this in mind for the future because it was very helpful. It took me three tries to fully compose my first draft. Also, reading everything out loud was a great trick, I caught many errors doing this. Finally, the last step I added was to look at pictures from France that I had and then closed my eyes to remember what it was like to be there which in the end, helped me tell my story.
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March 1, 2013 was the start of a new adventure. That was the day I moved to Hamburg, Germany to start my new job. The lifestyle was different, for one I have never lived in a city and hearing a new language was a lot to get used to. Maybe a little overwhelming at times you could say. But after a month I found the place where I can call home and to this day I still wish I was there.
I chose to live in a small town called Reinbek, which is on the outskirt of being in Hamburg. I chose this place so I was just far enough away from being in the city and have the luxury of a forested area in my backyard. Adjusting to the lifestyle took some time, like taking the public transport to get to work, the selection of produce in the markets, even how pets are treated took me back a bit (I am not complaining though, I loved how they were welcomed everywhere)! The two years that I was there was certainly rough to say the least but now that I am home, I find myself missing it every day. I do not know how to explain it, but I felt completely safe there. Maybe having a sense of freedom is a good way to explain it. I feel like their government is far better than our own, where they are not watched, foods are natural so you are not forced to eat chemicals, want to go to the store? No problem, you can walk, cycle or take the bus. Here, at least at my home I have to get into my car to go everywhere and it drives me bonkers. Now, I just feel and am hoping someday I can go back to living the slower paced, enjoy every moment kind of life. I just miss it. They say your home is where you lay your head at night. But have you ever caught yourself thinking of a place or home that you can no longer go back to and you miss it dearly? This is feeling is known as a hiraeth. Personally, I know this sensation all too well.
Ever since I returned to the United States I have found myself feeling a bit lost at times. I often catch myself daydreaming about what my life used to be like back over in Europe. For starters let’s talk about how much I miss taking road trips. Over here it is pretty much all of the same, not much changes between states and everyone speaks English. But, over there it is completely different. As soon as you cross the border a lot changes, from the languages on the signs/on the radio, to the selection of food, even the road ways, it is like entering a new world, so to speak. If I had to narrow it done even further, my home in France and my apartment in Germany are two places that I tend to think about and miss often but for very different reasons. I miss the simplistic country life I had in France, the nature was stunning and it was just easy. It gives me a feeling I cannot describe but it just makes me happy, almost like being at peace I guess you can say. Germany made me feel like I was actually living and that is something I miss very much, I still worked the 9-5 job but I never really felt as overwhelmed as I have working here. In the piece written by Carolyn Chute, she talks about how easy it is for her to get distracted from typing due to her daily rituals/routine and for her it is a struggle to get into "writer's mode". And on the other hand, Drake Baer wrote an article giving tips that Hemmingway used in order to be productive. Everyone works in different ways and the same goes for writing and that is clearly seen in these two readings. You would think that an author writes their pieces with ease, but that is not necessarily the case. Everyone gets distracted and what sets someone out from others is how they deal with the interruptions and work through them.
Personally, it is hard for me to sit down and take the time out to quiet my mind so I can focus, that is probably one of my biggest distractions. After a long day of work the last thing I want to do is more work, obviously. So working through the feeling of "I don't want to" always seems to be a battle. Another big distraction of mine would probably be my emotions. I have never been a confident writer and because of that I let my thoughts get the best of me which in turn can greatly delay the writing process. My twin and I have talked about improving my writing skills over the years. She has tried to tutor me, bought books on grammar and such but I have never really seen much improvement in my skills. But, needless to say I personally feel like I cannot become a better writer and it is something I accepted a long time ago unfortunately. Knowing that I tend to easily get distracted, it would actually be pretty useful to come up with some ways to work past them. One would probably be to walk around to get the creative ideas flowing. Others would be to stretch, sit at a table and not on the couch. If I start to feel overwhelmed I can take a breather and start over. I could also read everything out loud (sometimes it is easier to process things when I talk to myself) and avoid caffeinated drinks, it tends to make my mind wonder. If I can implement those into my routine I can see where maybe that could be the start for improvements. In the reading "Why I Write", three individuals give insight on where their passion for writing comes from. Joan Didion is one of the authors and what she had to say really made sense to me. At the end of the day her style is simple, she gets to the point and I like that. She says she writes “to find out what she is thinking, what she is looking at, what she sees and what it means. What she wants and fears”. Writing allows her to see things in a different perspective that sometimes everyone needs. She also said something that I liked, “stories start with a bunch of questions and answering those questions is what makes the story”. I think that is an interesting way to look at writing and possibly a new approach that’s worth trying, it is really making me think.
Why do I write? That is something I never thought about before. But if I am being honest, I try my best to avoid it. This is the first time I have written anything since high school and I am only composing this post because it is required. I am someone who does not write in my free time, I do not even own a journal. I guess it stems from the fact that I have never felt confident in my work. Remember those days back in high school when peers edited your papers? That always made me feel uncomfortable. Thinking about it, for me, not writing makes sense. I am a quiet and private person, in my daily life I struggle to open up to people and share my opinions. I like to keep things to myself. So putting my thoughts down on paper is hard for me to do needless to say. |